Page 22 - English Tehelka Issue 3&4

CoverStory society

relatives constantly have the marriages of the fam- most parts of the country. Recently, a local Haryana
ilies’ youngsters on their minds. And marriages in newspaper uploaded a video on its Facebook page,
the country are carefully curated, taking into con- that went viral, speaking volumes about preva-
sideration not only the bride and the groom but also lent attitudes in the country against friendships
their families and communities. between men and women. In the video, a person
identifying himself as a lawyer practicing in the
Love Marriage vs Delhi high court intervened when security persons
arranged Marriage and policemen in a public park asked a young man
and woman, both adults, to give their parents’ con-
tact numbers so that they could be made aware of
There was a time when only ‘arranged marriages’ what their children were upto. The lawyer could be
were the norm and ‘love marriages’ were frowned heard making the cops aware that it wasn’t a crime
upon. People who were to be bound by marriage for two adults to walk together in a park.
and expected to spend their entire lives together In Uttar Pradesh, the ‘anti-romeo squads’ that
saw each other just once or twice before the wed- were set up in 2017 by the Yogi Adityanath-gov-
ding day, and they would not know much about
each other. In the twenty-first century, arranged
marriage has gone through superficial changes Marriage as a social
in urban settings even as, in various social set ups,
it continues to be the same old ritual of getting institution across
two strangers married. However, even though
love marriages have become more common and
acceptable, archaic rules concerning love and cultures has been
marriages — especially of caste and religion
(apart from class) — still rule the roost. Despite the governed by caste and
progress on the fronts of education, technology and
the economy, India as a collective society continues kinship structures.
to be conservative when it comes to culture and
social norms. Marriage outside of
Talking about ‘love’ marriage, according to
Dr Aardra Surendran, Sociologist and Assistant Pro- these norms is frowned
fessor at the Tata Institute of Social Sciences (TISS),
Mumbai, “The entry of personal choice has been re-
cent in the history of marriage as a social institution upon even today in
across cultures, and particularly so in India. It has
been governed by the existence of caste and kinship almost all regions.
structures. These norms may vary across regions
and social groups across the country, but norms
exist, and marriage outside of these norms is
frowned upon even today in almost all regions.” ernment to protect women from being harassed
Dr Surendran also says that the mingling of men saw self-styled vigilantes or ‘moral police’ often
and women from the perspective of attraction or objecting to men and women hanging out in public
love is seen as undesirable across cultures in India. places out of choice. Several men were put behind
“We may observe some superficial change in urban bars and no one knows if they had harassed women
settings, owing to the increased presence of wom- of were simply present at public spaces with their
en in the public sphere, be it educational or work female friends or girlfriends.
place locations, but the element of choice even in Ten youths — four boys and six girls — hailing
these settings is accepted only if carefully calibrated from towns and small cities in different parts of
along religious, caste and class lines. Love has rare- the country, that this correspondent spoke to, all
ly been the operative element in deciding who to said that the mingling of adolescent and teenaged
marry, and choice, particularly of the woman, has boys and girls is usually disapproved of by teach-
rarely existed in socially prescribed settings,” she ers, school administrations, parents and people in
told TeHeLkA in an interview conducted via email. general who encourage youngsters to make friends Kritika Mathur and Sharif Qamar
It is true that the mingling of young men and of the same gender only. All of them also said that with their daughter Ayesha
women is considered taboo and discouraged in though caste and religion shouldn’t matter, they

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