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From Tehelka Archives
November 25, 2001

Astrology in academia: Why the

government has stars in its eyes

A satirical open letter by wasi haider, professor of physics at Aligarh Muslim University, to Union
Human Resources Development Minister Murli Manohar Joshi

Dear Professor Joshi, abovementioned exciting new courses. How- SINP (Saha Institute of Nuclear Physics) etc.
I am surprised at the circular of the University ever, there would be a minor problem if schedule Further, Abdul Kalam should be persecuted for
Grants Commission (UGC) (under your ministry, castes/schedule tribes (SC/ST) students apply for wasting national resources in developing mis-
HRD (human resources development)) to intro- training as purohits. This can be easily solved as siles, as many serials on Doordarshan show that
duce courses on Astrology, Vedic Mathematics, the constitution review committee is looking into much more effective missiles were common in
training of purohits and spoken Sanskrit at the similar problems. The present government is for- Vedic era. Research must be done at the DRDO
universities. I should not have been surprised, for tunately very nationalistic, that is why we support (Defence Research and Development Organisa-
myth is more important than historical facts for the NMD (National Missile Defence) idea of US tion) to unearth the techniques used to manufac-
you. Your presence at Ayodhya on December 6, President George W Bush. Since the NMD is de- ture those missiles.
1992, was proof enough of your zeal to construct signed to save the US from any nuclear attack (the An important area where efforts should
the Ram temple by destroying the Babri mosque. only country with any experience of using nuclear be made is the export the potential of these re-
I am sure you must have received a congratula- bombs), our support shows how much we care discovered ancient sciences. As a first step, all
tory (confidential) telegram from the Taliban for about humanity. ministers should be advised to take an Astrolo-
such heroic work. I am happy that though science Astrology is very useful for the nation. The ger as part of the official delegation on their
has corrupted many of us into treating Astrology medical council of India can be easily persuaded frequent foreign trips (I am sure many consci-
as non-science, even the study of physics has entious ministers do that already). A big
miserably failed to change your “swadeshi” stall should be made compulsory at “India
thoughts. Raman, Ramanujan, Bhabha and Exhibitions” that are frequently held at Par-
many others would be very unhappy to have is, London, New York and Tokyo to promote
missed the pearls of wisdom of your beliefs. Astrology. Do not worry about discussion in
Moreover, the grammar and composition of Parliament. One can always reconstruct the
the circular is probably the UGC’s revenge past using time machines. History should be
on the English language for centuries of rewritten to be convenient now.
British rule. Anyone who does not agree with you is
In view of the above, I have some sug- anti-national and with the terrorists; kindly
gestions. Since our prime minister is a firm smoke them out using the Prevention of
believer of sarva dharma sambhav (secular- Terrorism Ordinance (POTO).
ism of the Sangh Parivar variety), courses on I hope that the circular from UGC is only
contributions of the minority communities the tip of the iceberg, and that we will leave
should also be included in the next circu- the Taliban far behind with ease in our giant
lar of the UGC. As an example, at least Di- leap backwards.
ploma courses on circumcision and burial/ When the Golden era (the National
cremation rituals, with emphasis on prac- Democratic Alliance (NDA) government)
tical demonstrations (film shows on the burning to see that before any patient is treated at a hos- started with the changes in Social Science books,
of Graham Stuart Staines and his sons would be pital, an astrological prediction certificate is com- we kept quite and did not express our anguish:
useful knowledge), should be included. Study and pulsorily obtained. This would save unnecessary First they came for the communists,
practice of sati must be made compulsory at all wastage of the doctor’s time, and expenditure on I did not speak because I was not a communist;
women’s colleges. Research must be encouraged medication, in a large number of cases. Ready- Then they came for the artists,
to find out the male equivalent of sati. made hawans should be made easily available in I did not speak because I was not an artist;
The suggestion of training purohits, due to all drug shops. To eliminate corruption, examina- Then they came for the Jews,
the market demand in the United States is a tions and elections should be abolished, as their I did not speak because I was not a Jew;
very bright idea. Since there is not enough mar- outcome can be easily announced from centres Then they came for me;
ket demand to study Ghalib, Tagore, Newton’s of excellence in Astrology, established on the And there was no one left to speak for me.
mechanics, Relativity or Genetics, UGC grants lines of BARC (Bhaba Atomic Research Centre),
from these disciplines should be diverted for the TIFR (Tata Institute of Fundamental Research), LETTERS@TEHELKA.COM

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