Sneha peeped out of her bedroom’s window. At the horizon the sun was alarming about the coming darkness. It was gaining bright orange colour but still luminous. She stared at the routine geographical phenomenon but with no intentions to appreciate it.
Her mind was occupied in counting the pending chores for the rest of the day. She was not willing to do anything, but the list was long . Ignoring all, she considered cooking the most important and the only chore left. Sluggishly she pushed herself towards the kitchen. Without any concrete plan for the menu, she casually opened the refrigerator, a few drawers, picked some raw material and started cooking. Having no idea about the needs and demands of the family members, she kept on cooking. After an hour or so, she completed her last and only chore by laying the table.
She wanted to lock herself in her room for the rest of the day but that was not possible. So she went for a long steamy shower to get the feeling of being occupied and possessed too.
This is not today’s situation. For the past couple of months she was feeling lonely. She had no idea about this new feeling. Something very mysterious was there which was forcing her to think that no one cares for her. She was clear that somewhere things were terribly wrong.
She tried to reach out to her friends but unfortunately there was no one for her to text back or call her back during those zero moments.
It was difficult but till this point she managed to pretend that everything was okay.
Actually it was not okay.
She was convinced that she needed help. It was becoming difficult to hide her feelings. She gave little details to the people around but could not tell the whole story because nobody was that available. At times she gave clear hints about her condition but soon made jokes about it because of the cold response.
A Few days back there was a chain of good news in her life. Her children did well in academics, mother recovered from a long ailment, husband purchased a huge property and she herself was recognised for her work and promoted to a higher rank. Ironically nothing amused her.
Her heart was blank.
Every single day was a repeat of the previous day.
She wanted to skip this part of her life in a hope of a different tomorrow.
People were around her but no one could lift her mood. Nobody was available to stick around long enough to make her comfortable to pour her heart. Everybody seemed to be in a hurry. Everybody wants and needs her to solve their problems. They needed her advice and suggestions but were never ready to hear her story.
She was not okay and she knew it.
Once again she tried to reach her near and dear ones. They sympathised with her, felt sorry for her but not for long because everybody was sick of hearing.
Many times she thought of taking a long break in some isolation, but her job was dear to her and detachment from friends and family would prove disastrous.
She tried to extract herself from this situation. She joined a fitness course but the situation was still the same. She was stuck and there was no help from any corner to get a little heavenly push to face the coming days with her head high and back straight.
She again tried to reach her close ones but they did not want to hear. They just don’t want to see her in low spirits. They wanted her to be fine and to get over it soon.
It was almost half an hour in shower. She realised that frequent long steamy showers and chocolates are just a mode of escapism. She can not escape from the present. She has to face it. She can not surrender to this feeling of being alone.
There is nobody in this world who can pull her out of this hell hole. She has to rescue herself and she herself has to act as her own best friend.
She has to pick herself up through some means and she needs to work out on those tools. She can not put her world on hold just because she is going through a mental breakdown.
We all can associate with Sneha.
At some point of life we may have faced it or may face it.
It’s easy to feel alone,easy to feel that nobody cares about you.
We can rename this feeling as DOUBT.
Yes, actually this is doubt. We doubt ourselves.
We doubt that we are worthless,we doubt that we are unloved, we doubt that the whole world is at one end and we on the other. We doubt that nobody needs us or cares for us.
Don’t worry; even the most popular and famous people who are always surrounded by near and dear ones also develop such doubts.
Sneha was also going through the same self doubt phase. She was aware of it but at the same time she herself was now sick of her prolonged phase of life. She realised that her precious days of life got wasted for such a petty reason.
She must come out of it.
She has to come out of it .
By now she learnt some realities of human relations. She learnt that no matter how close you are connected to people around you, no one cares.
Yes, it is true, no one cares.
Everyone around you wants to see you as a perfect fit in each and every social relation. Society accepts flawless relations.
With this newly achieved wisdom she prepared a cup of hot chocolate milk for herself and stood near the window. Now there were no signs of orange sun. But a little away from the horizon white moon was luminating. Sneha experienced a very soothing effect of those white rays on her body.
She was completely mesmerised . She conserved the velvety view and feel in her mind and cuddled beneath a soft sheet .
Hours passed in serene silence.
Her window sent the orange sun to wake her up. She welcomed the enthusiastic rays with smiling lips and twinkling eyes. The day was different. Her routine was the same but the zeal was different. She was not counting the number of chores rather finishing them as they came along. Interestingly she was taking time in between to pamper herself with little little things; ignoring all inhibitions of formal behaviour in front of elders and young ones.
She actually considered and treated herself like a kid.
The results were amazingly great.
Now there was somebody to care for her and accompany her… and that somebody was SHE herself.
She was no more alone and unloved.
She learnt to love her.
I ask you …
Was it that difficult?
We all know that our journey of mortality is simple in a complex manner. Nobody travels with us throughout our life. People join and people leave, love flourishes and dies too, situations change their status every now and then. Best friends will forget you. Relatives will leave you. Nothing is stable. The only person who will stay with you is YOU.
Sneha picked herself up from this situation and rescued herself.
If you are in such a situation, don’t worry,act wisely,make an action plan and pick yourself up …
You can use any simple tool to pick yourself.
Let’s count a few …
◆ Check those people who have faced worse situations in life than you.
◆ Pamper yourself with a compassionate attitude.
◆ Hopeful eyes of your parents or partner and cute faces of your siblings and children can give you ample reasons to bounce back.
◆ Keep hovering around those people who value you and your presence and genuinely care for you.
◆ Draw inspiration from surroundings; help someone to achieve his or her goal, be a part of some social reform.
◆ Admire yourself.
◆ If feeling guilty for something, take responsibility for it and make an action plan to clean up the mess created by you.
◆ Stay systematic
“You are a beautiful creation of almighty.”